Shutting off from the World.. How do you do it?!

Do you ever get a day where you contemplate what life would be like to be invisible? To literally be able to go about your life, but not have to interact, be seen, encounter people, just nothing. Or do you ever wonder what life would be like if you weren’t around, who it would affect, who would miss you etc?

As a firey natured person with a loud personality, I often find it hard to remove myself from a situation and to simply just shut off and have a nothing day where you appreciate what life has given you. And when I do, I seem to have such an impact on the people around me because they aren’t used to me being quiet, or me not talking, or simply me just being me. And instantly.. Something is wrong, something isn’t right. Which in turn makes me question if I am mentally okay, even though I know I am! I’m just tired and don’t want to deal with people for a little while. I want my bubble.

Here’s a few little things I have learnt the past couple of years that help me make it through each week…

1. Know the difference in your mental state. Know when you’re tired, know when you’re sad, know when you’re angry etc. There are huge differences and they get wrapped up into one big ball of emotion, when in reality, we can control each individual one. Once you’ve learnt the difference, you can begin to learn how to control each one.

2. Find something you love doing. Something as simple as writing, or drawing, or doodling or painting. Whatever it is, make time for it once a week. Maybe even twice a week!! Let your mind drift away to a happy place where you don’t think, you just do. Hell, it could even be sex!! (and I mean… Why wouldn’t it be) So make that time happen! This allows your brain to fully unwind and gives you some “me time”

3. If you’re in a relationship, don’t stop your life for that one person. I used to isolate myself solely in my previous relationship. I lost friends that meant so much to me and began pushing away those who stubbornly stood by me. Make time for your friends, your family and potentially meeting new friends. Those will be the ones there to pick you up and help you when the going has skipped getting tough and just got shit real quick.

4. If you’re in a relationship, make relationship time! Sounds contradicting to my last statement.. But get that balance right. Make time for the two of you to chill out, talk about things, watch a movie, go to a new restaurant. Anything. They’ll respect you for getting that balance and wanting to see your friends.. If they don’t, it’ll become suffocating.. Well it does for me anyway.. Because I love my space!

5. Treat each day as a slate wiped clean. It’s fresh. It’s new. It’s not yesterday. This is the one I struggle with the most, I’m a stickler for holding a grudge and carrying yesterday’s anger. But the more we can leave negativity in the past, the better. Imagine someone putting a rock in your bag every time something negative happened. And each day you carried that bag, still adding in the rocks. The bag would get heavier, more exhausting, more tiring to move. Yes, you will grow stronger, you will learn to deal with the pain, you will motivate yourself to push on past it.. But if you got rid of those rocks, your day would be ten times easier. So choose the easiest path. The easier the better, right?!

6. Don’t bottle things up. Just don’t do it. A problem shared is a problem halved. Bottling things up leads to a shaken bottle exploding.. Not worth it. Messy. Unwanted..(waste of money too)

7. Finally, even though I could go on forever.. Find something that challenges you and go for it. I three myself out of my comfort zone last year completely by going travelling for 2 weeks with my now, boyfriend, but at the time friend (‘s with benefits/just friends/mates/chums/he was in denial/he’ll screw his face up when he reads this) if you know me, you’ll know I’m a princess. I love being clean.. I love my showers, comfort, a nice bed, etc. Cambodia was a whole different world to me. I’ve never seen a third world country. And it was a shock to the system. But I got to experience it brand new with someone else and it got my little head ticking. It made me realise I want to set goals to accomplish.. Something to challenge and excite me. (but I will not be travelling again, get me a 5* all inclusive with unlimited drinks please.. And a beach.. And the sun)

Take some of this on board.. Or don’t. BUT if there is anything you do take, make time for yourself. Be yourself. Fuck everyone else. Be the queen or king you want to be. Take control of your life and fucking go for it guns blazing without a care who you take down in the process. You only live once, right?! Make it worth it!!!!!

Mad Love.. Emphasis on the mad!

If you know me well enough, you’ll have learnt that I am a hopeless romantic, infatuated with heart wrenching love stories; Romeo and Juliet, The Notebook, P.S I love you, but most importantly.. Dr Harleen Quinzel and the Joker. But where did the obsession begin?
The character of Harley Quinn has never gone unnoticed in my life, even since I was a little girl. Something about the colours gave me life when I grew into that 14 year old “my heart bleeds” emo kid. Black and red. The best colours. But as the years passed, and I began to realise I needed to grow up, the phase passed.. Until Suicide Squad 2016 and Margot Robbie appeared into my life.

Now, personally, if you don’t find Margot attractive, I think you’re clinically insane! But knowing she was going to be playing the role, I think I lost my head a little. I was so excited to see her come to life in my adulthood. In all honestly, she was the only thing giving that film any ounce of life, playing the part above and beyond what I could have hoped for.

Queue “my heart bleeds” emo installment part 2. I’ve gone from a clean white, baby blue and black sparkly bedroom.. Back to the full shabang. There’s Harley memorabilia everywhere. My bed sheets, my walls, my shelves but most importantly my skin. With the intention of getting two half sleeves, Harley has already joined me, but Dr Harleen is yet to join the team.

Why you may ask? In reality.. I’m a fucking psycho! Who wouldn’t want to be a psychiatrist for a lunatic mass murderer.. (and quite frankly the perfect amount of creepy to still be attractive) to then fall madly in love with him, throw yourself in to a vat of acid, and become just as equally nuts. It’s the perfect love story if you ask me! The idea of I jump, you jump. Just imagine being so in love with someone, you’d physically do anything for them. Is it too much? Probably. In fact, definitely. But she adores him. And she is cool as fuck. Is it just a phase? Well I fucking hope not.. I’ve got her tattooed!

Much like Romeo and Juliet’s story. Two houses, both alike in dignity..from ancient grudge break to new mutiny..Juliet, estimated to be 13 or 14, and Romeo of age. Both houses at war, but they fall madly in love at first site. They marry, consemate and die for each other all in the period of 72 to 96 hours. Is this too much?! Very much so. But again, imagine being so in love that you’d die for them. Your life isn’t worth living if they aren’t living. What a passionate thought. Also not a phase.. I have three quotes tattooed and soon to be four concluded with a very large back piece.

We live in this modern day where true love seems super rare to find, and people aren’t willing to give their lives to it. Divorce is rife, cheating is ten times worse, and why is that?! There’s some things I just can’t physically understand. And definitely can’t answer. But what I will say is, if you find that joker, or that Romeo, and they say jump.. Fucking jump. Free fall. Take that dive. It’ll be a hell of a ride but fuck me it’ll be worth it. And if it’s the wrong one, get up on your feet, dust off the dirt, and go again. Keep going until you’re happy.

It’s 2019 already?! Life needs to calm the f*?! down.

Oh..hey there. Fancy stumbling across my first post! Wow. 2018 was a shit year huh? Or was it? How was yours? Welcome to my little bubble. A bubble I was encouraged to create by a sarcastic and witty tattooist, who gave me my first permanent Harley Quinn memory. Read away and delve into my words, because I’ll be sticking around for a little bit.

2018 began in a snowy moutain, away from the UK with a bunch of random individuals, sounds ok I suppose…but it set the year in a downward spiral of mentality, unhappiness in my career, several bad relationships/flings (if that’s what you can call them) and a cluster of terrible life choices and decisions. But nonetheless, some truly incredible friends that came with unforgetable memories, experiences and photos that I will cherish for life. Oh, and a boyfriend. Which, if you know me, goes together like tartan and stripes (which I would 100% try and make work).

So my food for thought, for Sunday 6th January 2019 is..what does the New Year actually mean to you? I’ve never been a strong believer in the whole “New Year, New Me” thing..but it seems strong with millennials (even though I’m technically a millennial). This year is the first year attending a NYE party since I was 18 and wanted to get pathetically drunk and forget the last year. I didn’t just attend, I was hosting it..with my his parents house *shortness of breath*. We spent 2 full days in the kitchen prepping the food, attempting to awe our guests with homemade goods (successful if I do say so myself). On NYE morning, I spent about 3 hours getting read. The dress I ordered especially, didn’t fit, so I ended up in his NFL Jersey. My OCD went nuts trying to make the layout equal. Turns out scotch eggs do not balance out sausage rolls. Anyway..the night was great to say the least. The games were hilarious and I’ll forever have nightmares of the game “Speak out”. I’m usually the one wearing a ball I don’t see the dribble a human can create; But this beautiful little game lets you experience drool, yesterday’s dinner, the hole in the tooth that hasn’t been filled, alcohol that hasn’t been swallowed..I’m wretching at the thought. I was surrounded by new people, new family and my double trouble. It was perfect. Plus nothing beats a shag at 2 in the I right?!

I begin a new job this year, with new people, new surroundings and a new relationship. Not to mention those that stuck by my side while I was a bitch to them through all the shit of 2018. They’ll forever be my rocks and in my life. I’m hoping to fill this year with memories and happiness, but life doesn’t always allow for that to happen. One thing you will learn with me (if you continue on this journey with me) is that I’ve always thought everything happens for a reason. So take hold of your life and do what you wish with it, because it will guide you down the path you were meant to follow anyway. Like the series on Netfllix called ‘The Good Place’. Michael keeps trying to make Eleanor believe she’s in the Good Place but no matter what Michael does, she works out it’s actually the Bad Place. But she falls in love, she make friends, shes loses them, she laughs, she cries, she lives a normal life..but she still ends up in the same situation. Confused but wanting to make changes. It’s how humans are destined to live. Make 2019 your year! I aim to. No new goals, just Robyn being Robyn. Let’s face it..I’ll never change for anyone.